I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
