The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
