just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
