He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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