The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
