please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
