What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
