If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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