I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
