theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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