What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
How's work?
Spinning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
