Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
