did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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