have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
