capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
