I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
