god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
