WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
