When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
