so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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