we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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