thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
