she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Two words: nipple clamps
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