he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
