I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize