Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
