So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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