Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
