then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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