you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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