Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
