We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
