put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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