i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
