is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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