If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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