so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
