so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
