Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
