I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
