She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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