i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
