careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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