he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
