You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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