I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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