I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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