Operation Purity has been aborted
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
