he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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