took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
