It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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