the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
