I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
