Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
