break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
