so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
