Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize