I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
