we have officially lost it.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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