just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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