i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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