cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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