I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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