i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize