What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
