I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
