He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My penis needs a shock collar
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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