I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
