The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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