he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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